I am a judgmental person. There, I said it. I am also an incredibly selfish person, and I am not saying these things about myself just to get sympathy. In fact, the last thing I want is your sympathy. Sometimes the first step in overcoming a sin that has been festering inside of you for awhile is to just say it out loud (or type it) so that it’s out and you have no choice but to face it.
You see, I have found that it is so easy to just hide your sin and try to cover it up with good deeds. Kind of like how you cover up a really big zit. You can put as much makeup over it as you want, but at the end of the day it’s still going to be there. The makeup can even make it worse and clog up the pore even more; making the zit bigger and redder. Sorry for the gross analogy, but the same is true for sin; and sin certainly isn’t pretty.
I went through a lot of spiritual growth and change this summer (if you read my past posts you can learn more about that in more detail). While a lot of that growth was wonderful and full of joy, there were also some things I was faced with that hurt. I came face to face with the reality that while I was doing good works and reflecting a Godly life, I was doing it for myself; not the glory of God.
To be honest, I had no idea I was even doing this at all until I had the opportunity to teach at my youth group in August. I had planned games, music, and a lesson. I was incredibly nervous because I am not a great public speaker. But my public speaking wasn’t the issue this time. It was how often I used myself as a good example through the lesson instead of Jesus. My youth pastor brought this to my attention in the sweetest and gentlest way possible and I am so glad that he did. But I was ashamed. I still am so ashamed. And I still struggle with this each day.
One of the first things you learn in Sunday school or at church camp is that Jesus comes first, then others, and THEN yourself. It’s such a simple concept, but it’s one of the hardest for me to remember. You see, I had so many people around me building me up that it began to go to my head. I am incredibly grateful for those people who support and encourage me, but it was about time that I heard some criticism.
Jesus tells us in Luke chapter 6, “Can a blind man lead a blind man? Will they not both fall into a pit?” (v. 39). Wow is this ever true. As a student pursuing ministry, how can I possibly lead another person to the glory of God if I am blind to it in my own life? This will only lead both people to corruption.
I’m going to be honest with you, this post was so hard for me write. Being vulnerable isn’t always easy, but I know for me that it was necessary. It is ok to be broken and to not be perfect. Do not be afraid to put yourself out there. Sometimes vulnerability is the very best healing.
Love you, friends. May the glory of God fill your hearts.